Sunday, September 18, 2011

Love, Sex, Monogamy, Monotony, and Marriage - Conquering the Fear of Getting Alone, A couple of Situation Studies

By Kevin Foster


We receive numerous inquiries from individuals agonizing over the choice among staying in an unhappy, unsatisfying relationship or leaving and potentially being alone. The majority of them are a lot more worried about getting alone for the sleep of their lives and due to this, remain stuck in their relationships.

There are other options, as we outline below, in particular in case you are willing to view your case from a much more spiritual perspective.

Case learn trouble #1:

"When I was 25 I met the adore of my life, John, yet he broke up with me after 2 years. We remained greatest buddies as well as the affair in no way incredibly ended. I always compared everybody to him, and he always came back to me once in trouble. Eventually, we got back together. I've caught him cheating four times inside the last three years and I don't know if I can take it again, but the notion of becoming on my own seems worse to me...."

Traditional thinking and solution:

Turn a blind eye to your partner's infidelities and be grateful you have someone inside your life. You have invested all this time together and it would be a shame to throw it all away.

Alternative Suggestion:

You are allowing him to continue to disrespect you because you are afraid to become alone. Though your case is karmic, it's in your greatest interest to use your f.ree will to react compassionately. Consume back your power, be strong, and bow out. You will be f.ree to work on yourself and eventually meet someone who is a lot more respectful and compatible.

How a lot time you have invested with each other is never a good reason to stay together, specially if he's betraying your trust. Look at it this way, the spiritual (most important) reasons for relationships are about learning, understanding, and growth; how lengthy they last is irrelevant. Several individuals location beneficial value on a length of the relationship, but if it is done it's done, even if a couple stays together. Besides, once he betrayed your trust, the relationship died as you knew it. As far as him becoming the love of one's life, you don't know that for certain until the end of one's life.

Alternative Suggestion:

If you can not live without him (and you almost certainly can), redefine the relationship and tell him his actions have shown you that he can not or isn't monogamous. Because the issue with cheating is ultimately far more about dishonesty than s.e.x (other than insecurity for the loss of a partner or fear of disease), your relationship may well work, in a various form, if he is willing being brutally trustworthy as soon as he feels like straying, and does so safely and responsibly. But you would need to be really adult-like in how you handle his confessions, and it'slikely that he would not be able to handle you dating other people. Both of you seeing this all from a spiritual perspective (everyone has numerous soul mates, no a single owns anyone, s.e.x just isn't love and does not have to be exclusive to traditional adore relationships, s.e.x purely for ones enjoyment of s.e.x between two consenting adults is perfectly acceptable, etc.) would also support a lot.

Case learn issue #2:

"I didn't automatically 'click' with my boyfriend Jason, yet we shared a world view, and we ended up moving in together and building a life. He's the most loving and genuine man I've ever met, yet I often look at the bond I had using a previous lover that doesn't look to be there with Jason. I've regarded ending it, but I do not desire to be alone and I worry that maybe I'm asking for as well much, and running right after a dream that just isn't real..."

Traditional thinking and solution:

You cannot have everything in a relationship, and you should believe lucky that you have found a excellent individual being with.




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